The question I hear in my office sounds very simple: “So what can we do at home?” The answer: a great deal. A child's language does not grow during the hour with a specialist. It grows through thousands of short everyday moments: at the table, in the bath, getting dressed, playing. And in those moments, it is you who is there.

This is not only my experience. A 2020 meta-analysis of 25 controlled trials with more than 1,700 children showed that when parents learn a few simple ways of communicating and use them in the daily routine, children's vocabulary and expressive language grow significantly (Heidlage et al., 2020). Another review, covering 34 studies, found results were equally good whether the child worked with a specialist, with parents, or with both (Carson et al., 2022). In other words, home is a real place for learning language, not a waiting room.

First, calm and a few facts

If your two-year-old says fewer words than you expected, you are not alone. A large Australian study found that roughly one in seven two-year-olds belongs to the group of children who start talking later (Zubrick et al., 2007). And another important finding of that study: this has nothing to do with how parents raise their child. Late talkers are found in every kind of family, in homes where people read a lot and in homes where people talk a lot.

Most of these children, reviews mention around 60 per cent, catch up with their peers by preschool age. But it is not possible to tell in advance, before the age of three, which child will catch up alone and which will need more help (Sansavini et al., 2021). This is why today's paediatric literature is clear: not “let's wait and see” but “help, watch, and ask for advice if needed” (Capone Singleton, 2018). The first years are the most rewarding time, when small daily changes give the most.

Language begins before words

Before the first word, a child is already communicating: with a look, a gesture, by pulling you by the hand, with a sound, with a change of mood. When a mother tells me, “He doesn't say anything, he just drags me to the fridge,” I hear something else: the child has a wish, has someone to address it to, and has a way of passing it on. That is already language, just without words yet.

That is where we start. Every attempt a child makes to reach you deserves three things: to be seen, to be heard, and to be answered. Seen, meaning you notice he wants something. Heard, even if the “message” is only a look. Answered, in words and in action: “You want juice? Juice. Here is the juice.” A child whose attempts get a response tries more often. A child who tries more often finds words sooner.

Five steps you can start today

1. Talk about what your child is looking at

Instead of pulling your child's attention to what you want to show, follow his gaze and name what interests him. The child looks at the cat: “Cat. Black cat. The cat is sleeping.” Words a child hears at the very moment he is focused on something are remembered far more easily than words that come from the side.

2. Choose 5 to 10 key words and show them every day

Not all words are equally important. The first ones should be those that give the child the power to change something: “more”, “want”, “finished”, the names of a favourite food, a toy, a close person. Say these words briefly, clearly and many times in natural situations: “Milk. Milk for you. You are drinking milk.” Studies in which parents were taught this kind of focused word showing found significant vocabulary growth within a few months (Roberts and Kaiser, 2011). One tip: do not ask the child to repeat. Your job is to show the word; the child's job is to take it when he is ready.

3. Pause and let the child answer

This is the simplest step and often the one that makes the biggest difference. After a question or an offer, wait five to ten seconds, look at your child, and wait. Adults fill silence out of good will, but that takes away the time the child needs to form an answer. The answer may be a sound, a gesture, a look. Accept it as a full answer and respond. Many parents tell me after the first week: “I had no idea how many times he was trying to tell me something.”

4. Read together, but talk rather than just read

For a small child the best books have clear pictures and little text. What matters is not finishing the text but talking about the picture: “What is this? A dog. A big dog. What is the dog doing?” If the child points or says “dog”, expand: “Yes, a dog. The dog is running.” Read the same book many times. Children learn from repetition, and the tenth time is not boring for them, it is safe.

5. Give your child a way to say things now

While the words are still on their way, the child still has things to say. Gestures, pointing at objects, photos or cards with the things he likes let him be understood today, and lower the tension on both sides. Parents sometimes worry that pictures will “wean” a child off talking. Research shows the opposite: children who get an extra way to communicate start talking no later, and often earlier, because communication experience accumulates instead of waiting. We wrote more about this in the article “What is AAC and when does a child need it?”.

What to pay attention to

Helping at home and consulting a specialist are not opposing paths. They are two steps on the same road. The research data advise paying attention not to whether the child is a boy or a girl, and not to when the parents started talking, but to a few concrete things (Fisher, 2017; Sansavini et al., 2021):

  • Understanding language. This is the most important indicator. If the child understands simple requests (“bring your shoes”, “where is teddy?”), that is a very good sign, even if he says few words himself. If understanding is harder, it is worth seeking advice sooner.
  • Gestures. Pointing, waving, handing over an object to show it: these are bridges to words. The more gestures, the firmer the foundation.
  • Combining two words. By around 30 months most children already combine two words (“mummy give”, “more juice”). If this stage has not come yet, that is a good reason to have the child checked.
  • Words that were there and disappeared. This is always worth discussing with a specialist without waiting.

In Lithuania the first step is simple and free: your paediatrician, or your municipality's pedagogical psychological service (PPT), which carries out a developmental assessment. You can also consult a speech therapist or a special educator. An assessment is not a label for the child. It is information for you on how to help more precisely.

What to expect

Language development is not a straight line. There are weeks when nothing seems to happen, and then three new words appear within a few days. Usually understanding grows first, then gestures and sounds, and only then words. If you see change in any of these links, the process is under way.

And one more thing: celebrate the attempts, not just the result. A child who pointed at a cup by himself for the first time has taken just as big a step as one who said “drink” for the first time. Both were seen, heard, and got an answer. That is exactly what language grows from.